Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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