I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
