I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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