I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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