wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
