My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am available for nakedness
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
