Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
