does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
