my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think my moral compass just broke
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
