why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
