i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
