@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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