im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
