thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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