Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
