you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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