she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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