Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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