Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
