i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
