Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
