Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
