i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
