I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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