i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
