I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
