Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
