Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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