I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
