I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
