I want to make a zoo with you.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Michael Bay diarrhea
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize