Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
