JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
