I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
