Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
