sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
this is an emotional support booty call
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
