Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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