i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
