is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
