did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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