I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
