No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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