Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
