I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
