Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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