Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
