My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
