She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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