I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
