sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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