maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
