We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
