His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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