im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
