Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
