i may or may not be watching the land before time
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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