You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
