She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
