you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
