I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
