margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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