She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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