You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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