shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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