Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize