my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
