did you get engaged???
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize