how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize