East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
