You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize