He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
