she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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